Category: Comedy

The Girl Who was Ripe for Satire

Nora Ephron in The New Yorker:

“I can’t really go on without an umlaut,” he said. “We’re in Sweden.”

But where in Sweden were they? There was no way to know, especially if you’d never been to Sweden. A few chapters ago, for example, an unscrupulous agent from Swedish Intelligence had tailed Blomkvist by taking Stora Essingen and Gröndal into Södermalm, and then driving down Hornsgatan and across Bellmansgatan via Brännkyrkagatan, with a final left onto Tavastgatan. Who cared, but there it was, in black-and-white, taking up space.

From the time before marketing

The concept: What if classic books were released today? What would their titles look like after the marketing department was through with them?

The idea seems to have started here, but it really took off here and here. Some of my favorites so far:

Then: ‘Gone With The Wind’
Now: ‘Extreme Home Makeover: Confederate Edition’

Then: The Wealth of Nations
Now: Invisible Hands: The Mysterious Market Forces That Control Our Lives and How to Profit from Them

Then: Walden
Now: Camping with Myself: Two Years in American Tuscany

Then: Book of Genesis
Now: FLOOD! A true story of heartbreak, heroism, and the will to survive

Then: Romeo and Juliet
Now: The Teen Sex and Suicide Epidemic: What You Need to Know to Protect Yourself and Your Family

Then: 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
Now: Subs and Squids: The Journey of a Madman

Then: Poor Richard’s Almanack
Now: Lifehacks+: Crowd-Sourced Common Sense From Tweets & Blogs

Then: Declaration of Independence
Now: The Pursuit of Happiness: How to get control of your continent and have fun doing it!

(Thanks to Lain and Dr J for the links)

The Missing Tomb

Speaking of Dan Brown, Slate has rolled out a make-your-own Dan Brown Plot Generator.  The directions are simple, plug in a city and secret sect, and the generartor does the rest.  When you plug in “Atlanta” and “Major League Baseball” you get this:

missingtomb

The Missing Tomb

When renowned Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned to the Ebeneezer Baptist Church to analyze a mysterious ancient script—imprinted on a gold ring lying next to the disfigured form of the head docent—he discovers evidence of the unthinkable: the resurgence of the ancient cult of the Baalinati, a secret branch of Major League Baseball that has surfaced from the shadows to carry out its legendary vendetta against its mortal enemy, the Vatican.
Langdon’s worst fears are confirmed when a messenger from the Baalinati appears at Centennial Olympic Park to deliver a deadly ultimatum: Deposit $1 billion in Major League Baseball’s off-shore bank accounts or the exclusive clothier of the Swiss Guards will be bankrupted. With the deadline fast approaching, Langdon joins forces with the lupine and enigmatic daughter of the murdered docent in a desperate bid to crack the code that will reveal the cult’s secret plan.
Embarking on a frantic hunt, Langdon and his companion follow a 300-year-old trail through Atlanta’s most exalted buildings and historic statues, pursued by a pigeon-toed assassin the cult has sent to thwart them. What they discover threatens to expose a conspiracy that goes all the way back to Babe Ruth and the very founding of Major League Baseball.

When renowned Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned to the Ebeneezer Baptist Church to analyze a mysterious ancient script—imprinted on a gold ring lying next to the disfigured form of the head docent—he discovers evidence of the unthinkable: the resurgence of the ancient cult of the Baalinati, a secret branch of Major League Baseball that has surfaced from the shadows to carry out its legendary vendetta against its mortal enemy, the Vatican.

Langdon’s worst fears are confirmed when a messenger from the Baalinati appears at Centennial Olympic Park to deliver a deadly ultimatum: Deposit $1 billion in Major League Baseball’s off-shore bank accounts or the exclusive clothier of the Swiss Guards will be bankrupted. With the deadline fast approaching, Langdon joins forces with the lupine and enigmatic daughter of the murdered docent in a desperate bid to crack the code that will reveal the cult’s secret plan.

Embarking on a frantic hunt, Langdon and his companion follow a 300-year-old trail through Atlanta’s most exalted buildings and historic statues, pursued by a pigeon-toed assassin the cult has sent to thwart them. What they discover threatens to expose a conspiracy that goes all the way back to Babe Ruth and the very founding of Major League Baseball.

You can mix and match all day.

Books vs. Kindle

David (Green Apple Books in San Francisco) takes on Goliath with a hilarious video series “The Book vs. The Kindle” decathlon.

With four rounds to go, the Kindle has already been mathematically eliminated from competition.

My Country Tis Of Me

I rarely miss a chance here to disparage Ayn Rand, her books, or her “philosophy.”  The Guardian, The Telegraph, and The Economist have all reported recently that sales of  Rand’s novel Atlas Shrugged have been increasing as our economy worsens.  In the book, Rand “…championed selfishness as a positive means of doing business, earning as many critics as she did advocates.”  From The Guardian:

Atlas Shrugged tends to inspire either cult-like devotion or sarcastic mockery in readers, who are either thrilled or appalled by Rand’s vision of a world in which the “men of the mind” – inventors, entrepreneurs and industrialists – withdraw their labour from a society intent on bleeding them dry with taxes and regulations.

The call for a “strike of the wealth producers” depicted in the novel is being called “Going Galt” by conservatives — after John Galt, the novel’s protagonist.  Because what the situation clearly calls for is more greed…oh, irony.

Stephen Colbert has this wonderful take on “Going Galt,” which The Guardian calls “the rightwing equivalent of “moving to Canada”‘:

A Theme

No love for lit majors between this at XKCD:

and this at Toothpaste for Dinner:

The Funny

Author and Skinny Black Guy Colson Whitehead writes about having a Skinny Black Guy elected President.  He feels confident that Obama will “reach across the aisle to Skinny White Guys, Haven’t Been Able to Get to the Gym White Guys, and If They Were Women They’d Be Called Zaftig White Guys.”

Joel Stein, writing in Time magazine, was afraid that the “Urkel Effect” would sink Obama’s chances on election day.  John “He’s a PC” Hodgman dared to insist that America was ready for a nerd President.

David Rees (Get Your War On) offers safety tips for having your mind blown by the election results.

My Gal

My podnah Frank is doing his best to make me a George Saunders fan.  He actually sold me on Saunders some time ago.  I don’t let on though so that he’ll continue to forward me links to brilliant essays like this one in that Élite publication, The New Yorker, by regular guy Saunders.  Here’s an excerpt.

Sarah Palin knows a little something about God’s will, knowing God quite well, from their work together on that natural-gas pipeline, and what God wills is: Country First. And not just any country! There was a slight error on our signage. Other countries, such as that one they have in France, reading our slogan, if they can even read real words, might be all, like, “Hey, bonjour, they are saying we can put our country, France, first!” Non, non, non, France! What we are saying is, you’d better put our country first, you merde-heads, or soon there will be so much lipstick on your pit bulls it will make your berets spin!

Genius.  Thanks, Frank, and keep ‘em coming.

Junot Diaz on Colbert Report

The Pulitzer Prize-winning author gets the Colbert Report treatment, which includes advice for using the Pulitzer to pick up chicks.

My Hobby

From xkcd

Authors in the 2.0 World

How books get done in the internet age…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxschLOAr-s[/youtube]

[via The Elegant Variation]

Thesaurus Misadventures

Quiz: Can you spot the two words that mean the same thing and are synonyms?

And they didn’t use an oxford comma!

Have a great weekend, everyone, and stay fly.

When copy writers give up

Come on, man. Try!

(photo by the Journopals – Manhattan)

Way Ahead of His Time

I’ve been a fan of Don Novello for a long time, and not just because he was born and raised in my hometown of Lorain, Ohio. I, like many of you, thought he was pretty darn cool before I even knew of his impressive origins. For a long time, I knew him solely as the character he created for Saturday Night Live, Father Guido Sarducci; but I somehow came to learn that he participated in multiple ways in all kinds of funny stuff, and so I had to do some digging to see what I could get my hands on.

In addition to recordings of some pretty hilarious stand-up comedy, what I came up with was The Lazlo Letters, a compilation of correspondence that was first published in 1977, but which contains letters spanning the period from 1973 to 1977. Novello’s idea, which he executed in spectacular fashion, was to write letters to various bigwigs from the world of politics, show business, and big business, playing the part of a loyal follower, concerned citizen, or huge fan, and trying to provoke a response.

The prose and punctuation he uses in his letters, in addition to the rather zany ideas presented by them, suggest that he is somewhat of a dimwit; nonetheless, in the interests of good public relations and nondiscrimination against knuckleheads, many of the folks he wrote to actually wrote back. The staffs of President Nixon and President Ford treated these letters as legitimate, and sent personalized responses back to him. Repeatedly.

The genius of this book doesn’t really lie in its content (although there are some pretty funny exchanges documented by these letters); rather, it lies in what Novello did, how he did it, and when he did it. This started over thirty-five years ago! He was writing on what I guess was a manual typewriter, and mailing letters out for ten cents. The time and effort needed to pull off a hoax like this was incredible. And it didn’t come with the sort of immediate gratification that pranking someone on the Internet can bring. While we take the Internet for granted in this day and age, Novello was working on this at a time when you had to work pretty hard to track down information. Even finding the name and address of someone he wanted to write to must have been a chore.

I applaud Mr. Novello, albeit it a couple of decades later than he deserves, for this effort. And now I think we can safely place him up on the pedestal with the other critically acclaimed writers originally hailing from Lorain, Ohio, such as Toni Morrison and . . . uhm . . . uh . . . let me get back to you on that one.

Cease and Desist

Dear Publisher’s Weekly:

It was brought to my attention by keen-eyed readers Russ and David that you recently posted this shirt on your web site in a post titled Baby Got Books:

O! the copyright infringement-larity! While you were on questionable legal ground with that post, you then sought to proceed further into additional infringing activities by posting lyrics to a fictional song in your post Sir Mix-A-Lot Remixed.

As it should be clear to any reasonable party, this blog has a long established use of Sir Mix-A-Lot derivative work that clearly pre-dates your offending work.  My lawyers have begun to calculate just how much your activities will cost you. Please have your checkbook out and ready when they call in order to avoid any unnecessary, expensive, and potentially protracted legal actions through the courts. Thanks.

Tim

P.S.  Or you could just send us one of those shirts.

Nattering on about ferrets

The AJC’s Book Page blog explains the unintentional hilarity behind the plagiarism charges being levied against romance author Cassie Edwards. It involves an overly detailed discussion of ferrets.  Following a heated scene.

Let’s just pause here a moment. Shadow Bear, old buddy, if you have just done your manliest best with a woman, and you and she are entwined on a pile of pelts or whatever, and she starts nattering on about a book she read about ferrets, then you need to raise your game a notch. Trust me on this.

What is the world coming to?

At The Onion: Area Eccentric Reads Entire Book.

“The whole thing was really engrossing,” said Meyer, referring not to a movie, video game, or competitive sports match, but rather a full-length, 288-page novel filled entirely with words. “There were days when I had a hard time putting it down.”

Arrrrrrrrrr Vey!

I love misunderstood lyrics. We’ve all suffered that embarrassment of *knowing* the words to a song and then finding out, sometimes years after the fact, that we weren’t even close. The high comedy moment of our weekend revolved around that kind of misunderstanding.

After watching the Joe Strummer documentary, The Future is Unwritten, I was inspired to get around to learning Redemption Song on guitar. (The song doesn’t feature in the documentary at all, but Strummer covered the song on his last album with the Mescaleros. And I’m trying to learn the original Bob Marley version, but I digress…)

Anyway, the first line of the song is “Old pirates, yes, the rob I.” I was noodling around with the song, and my daughter, 3, walked in and said, “Daddy, that’s the ‘Oh! Pirate Rabbi’ song!” That she got that much, I’m taking as a promising sign for my efforts. I spent the rest of the weekend conjuring what a pirate rabbi might look like. Here’s what I came up with.

It would have been better if I could draw a parrot on his shoulder. Or if I could draw. I think that I have my Halloween costume all lined up for next year. If you want to check out more hilarious misunderstood lyrics, check out Kiss This Guy (from a misunderstood line in Hendrix’s Purple Haze). Amazingly enough, they have two versions of the same misunderstood lyric (1, 2).

Faux Francais Friday

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUVagbFcSUU[/youtube]

Live the Dream

You’ve seen the video explanation of Web 2.0 and the follow-up clip about the r/evolution in the handling of information.  Now Gabe and Max present: How to Get the Dream Life of Your Dreams Using the Internet.

“I thought that the Internet was just for scientists?”

“Not anymore!”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPsUmhqncAg[/youtube]

The speed of life:  a “kid” at work was impressed yesterday by my “old school” iPod.

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