As reported literally everywhere, Dumbledore was gay. I can sense the right-wing anti-book contingent redoubling their library banning efforts as we speak. I’m sure that some media outlets reported the news in a responsible and non-sensational manner. My newspaper, on the other hand, decided to show a picture of Daniel Radcliffe (Harry) on its web site with the caption, “Guess which Potter character is gay!”

Book Ninja speculates about other upcoming revelations: “Hermione was actually an Ojibwe performance artist, Ron was a disenfranchised inner-city black youth, and Hagrid was a crippled Viet Nam vet living in a world he never made.”